Prelude to a Breakup

Breaking up should be clean. When one person is in near-total control of the situation it falls to them to make it quick. There’s no benefit to dragging out the process or slowly ramping-down the relationship over the course of a last few dreadful dates. Primarily, though, it should be obvious.


The Laws of Attraction

Attraction is not subjective. There are objective guidelines of what is sexy… or at the very least I know that waking up feeling bloated surrounded by empty beef jerky bags (yes PLURAL) is not considered remotely arousing.


Buggin’ Out

Last night, I survived my nightmare. After years of living in the city, two of them being completely alone, I came home from yoga to find I had a visitor.


TMI Pickles

I once told a guy that I was late to our date because I had stopped at home to eat a pickle. I really liked that guy, and I really liked those pickles.


The Numbers Game

When I look at my reflection- hunched over with a beer gut and no pants- I can’t help but wonder what kind of creature would want to date this mess?