As a Writer…

The world is full of good writing, yet while the New York Times is singing it’s Swan Song, Buzzfeed was recently valued at over $1 billion. My guess is we are only about five years away from New York Times headlines that read “We Bombed Yemen, but You Won’t Believe what Happened Next!”

valentines day

Valentine’s Sewage

I am spending Valentine’s Day alone, and grateful, and if I had a Valentine that I could share this holiday with… that is to say, if the trains were running, and it wasn’t the worst fucking time of the year, and it didn’t require changing out of my Totoro Onesie…


My One True Love

You know what we could do? Lounge around all weekend in your new Totoro Onesie while eating that dozen hardboiled eggs you made and watching an entire season of Gilmore Girls.


Writer’s Block

The only apt metaphor I can come up with is constipation. Trying to push through my writing turd with the hope that once that first one drops, it will all flood out of me.

baby crying

Children… Ugh… Why?

I don’t have any tattoos, though I have over the years flirted with the idea of getting one. I don’t judge most tattoo choices, and firmly believe that your decisions are your own, but tribal tattoos are the equivalent of owning and wearing (unironically) a paisley tie. Except they are permanent. I cannot stress enough how stupid tribal tattoos are.


Being Alone

As our drinks arrived, mine in the traditional brown bag, to her even greater dismay, we began to get acquainted. Frankly we had no shared interests, and the date was quickly spiraling to an early conclusion, but then I slipped up…



Depressed and unstable, I went home this past Friday and checked my social calendar (Read: OkCupid) to see if there was anyone to spend time with. Empty. I slumped into my desk chair and made two (yes, two) microwave pizzas.